One day

I opened my gallery in my phone
I found our pictures together
Smiling holding hands
So close to each other

My mind walked through places
And I saw our favorite spot
A place that you enjoy your fav dessert
The place that you used to hold my hands

Reminds me how we used to laugh together
Sneaking for a kiss under the sky
Holding me so close in your arms
Hugging each other so tight in moonlight

We were so happy together
And I was wondering to life my live with you
To see your face the 1st time I open my eyes in the morning

One day you no longer gave your kisses on my fore head
One day you didn't take me to hangout with your friends
One day I waited so long for your text reply
One day you no longer laugh at my jokes
One day you no longer excited to see me
One day you stop doing everything

I waited for you
I waited for you to tell me whats wrong
I waited for you in the dark and hoping the light will come again

My dark minds consumed me
Left me at night anxiously
Brought my appetite away
Frightened me deeply

I forced my self to smile
Pretending nothing happened
Still hoping everything will be alright
I will get your kisses back
That's what I told me the whole time
Maybe you were busy and stressed with works

I tried to understand you and cheer you up
But I failed
All I had done were nothing to you
There is no longer room for me

Negativity consumed you
What I did was nothing for you
And nothing I could do to bring you back to me

I left here in the full darkness
Blaming myself and how I wish I could turned back time
Alone in loneliness
Crushing into pieces that I wish I wasn't alive

Time

Time is all matters 

Time brings me joy

Time also brings me sadness 

In time I do right things

But also in time I do wrong things

I cannot turn back time 

What's gone is gone 

Flying away 

Left me alone 

Lonely unnoticed 

Closing the door

I opened the door
In a rush because I need air !
When the wind entered I said " there you are!"
Fresh air that I have been looking for

I let the door wide open
I forgot the air will not always fresh
I thought I can tolerate that and just let the air in

The longer I opened the door
There were something else more
Bugs, dust, noisy sound and other
Some were silent unnoticeable
Striked in unbearably manner

I fought ..tried to shoo it away
I used broomstick, filter and everything as the best as I could
But it kept coming over and over again
Then I was forced to close the door
Once again suffocated

Rose and me

If my heart is a skin you'll see scars
If my heart is a skin you'll see bandages everywhere
If my heart is a skin you'll see blood covering the whole bandages

Some scars were there months ago, years ago
It was healing as the time past
But some are new and hurting like hell

There's a fresh wound that make the old scar so visible
Adding another marks into the skin

I told my self months ago
Not to do the same thing again
Getting so close to a rose that has many thorn

The rose was so pretty and I could not bear not to touch it
Hoping that this time the thorn will not hurt me

I was so happy that I was able to held my favorite rose
I was not aware holding it to long or too tight will hurt me deeper and deeper

I was blinded by its beauty
Until the pain emerge and made me wide awake

I thought I was doing my best by holding it tight
Just because I was too afraid in losing it

I was wrong
The rose didn't get my good intentions
And felt that I hurt it badly

Both my skin and the rose were hurting each other
Until the point I need to let the rose go
And the rose left me

Me.. my skin ... was giving the pain that I never want to give

It is all too late now
Nothing matters than to let it go
Stop hurting my skin by adding deeper scar
Stop hurting the rose by holding it

The rose will never bloom again once it died
Just hoping another rose will bloom
Preparing my self how to treat the next rose
So we wouldn't hurting each other and leaving another scar


December 02, 2016